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While The French Kissers – or Les Beaux Gosses (the original French title meaning ‘The Handsome Guys’) – doesn’t follow a well constructed plot as such; still, it is an enchanting rendezvous into the lives of a group of misfit teens from the north-west of France. The narrative tends to suit the protagonists, who have an aimless disinterest in most things in their lives, with the primary exception of relations with the opposite sex.

The French Kissers
Herve and Camel - Image courtesy of frenchfilmfestival.co.nz



“She’s hot, her eyes are blue as detergent.”

Hervé (Vincent Lacoste) is an unfortunate looking middle school student who lives alone with his mother (Noémie Lvovsky), a depressive and unconventional woman whose takes gleeful delight in discomfiting her son and interfering in his life, often bursting in upon him, grinning maniacally, wanting to know if he is masturbating.

“I gave birth to you.”
“You can’t jerk off in peace around here!”

This he does frequently, into a sock, and often in tandem with his best friend Camel (Anthony Sonigo), an Arabic boy with a long fly-away mullet, a fondness for denim vests and an obsession with the lingerie section of the mail order catalogues he took from his grandmother’s house after her death.


La Redoute 1986, page 320, lingerie, is on the couch.”
“That one’s mine!”

Together with the rest of their crew of oddballs, they spend their time eating bananas, playing Dungeons and Dragons, conjuring Hitler in séance to ask for forecasts of their sex lives, and most importantly, trying to ‘lock lips’ with any jeune fille who takes their fancy.

“I’ll hook Laura, Arabic style.”

Hervé’s girl of choice is Aurore (Alice Trémolières). She is pretty and popular and enjoys shoplifting immensely, and, much to everyone’s surprise, returns Hervé’s attentions. They embark upon a turbulent relationship. Aurore is hot and cold toward Hervé, who desperately wants to have sex but is often aloof when it is offered. He is terribly unchivalrous towards Aurore at times, and is put off at one point after he sees her dirty feet.

The French Kissers French Film
Herve practices in front of/with the mirror - Image courtesy of mubi.com

“When I look at shoe creases, I know if a chick has pretty feet.”

To his friends, however, he is very possessive. Full of unfounded male arrogance and self-assurance of his sexual prowess, he boasts of his affair to Camel, who is eager to hear every detail of Hervé’s sexual experience, not knowing that the closest he’s come to actual intercourse is ejaculating in his jeans while kissing Aurore on her bed.

“You jerked off on me?”
“No. I mean yes… I’m sorry, I couldn’t stop, your pupil was so dilated.”

“I hope you use condoms.”
“Sure, I even used two once, so I’m safe.”
“I was like that.”

“It’s kinda like the inside of a nostril.”
“And a pointy thing enters your cock?”

The boys are odd and incredibly awkward, with little decorum, but then most of the characters in the film are, including the girls and even their teachers. None of the teenagers cast in the film are trained actors, which lends a sense of reality, complete with braces and oily skin.

The French Kissers Kiss
Herve's first kiss with Aurore - Image courtesy of abc.net.au

“Hey, it’s my snogging style. Everyone has to have their own style. Thank God we’re all different.”

“The movement keeps the drool in. There’s a current, like a boat with a propeller.”

The ending lets the film down slightly, as it jumps to high school and shows a snap shot of how everything has turned out, but it doesn’t detract from the movie greatly. Overall, it’s a terrific debut from writer/director Riad Sattouf, and is one of the most unpretentiously funny and charmingly absurd films I have seen of late, with several moments that had me laughing in a highly raucous manner.

Michaelie Clark
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The Carrie Diaries: Oh No!

June 30th 2010 03:13
This might seem a bit strange, but I’m going to give my thoughts on a movie that hasn’t been planned, that is based on a book I haven’t read. I was browsing a book store the other day and saw Candace Bushnell’s The Carrie Diaries, incongruously located on the edge of the literature section. I flicked through it.

The Carrie Diaries
Carrie arrives in the Big Smoke. Image courtesy of metro.co.uk

It is the first in a series of prequels Bushnell plans to release, and is aimed at a teen audience. According to the LA Times, it chronicles Carrie Bradshaw’s trials as she finishes high school in Connecticut.

From what I can gather, just like the recent film, it deviates a lot from the background we are given in the series, leading to large flaws in continuity.

The Father: In Season Five of the series, we discover that Carrie’s father left Carrie and her mother when Carrie was three years old. In The Carrie Diaries, it seems she has three younger sisters and “a tender-hearted scientist father” who raises the family after her mother’s untimely death.

The Boys: In Season Three, Carrie tells Charlotte she lost her virginity in the eleventh grade to Seth Bateman (on the ping-pong table), yet the prequel apparently describes Carrie as an unpopular virgin in her final year of high school, who develops an ill-fated relationship with a boy named Sebastian Kyd.

The Girls: Carrie’s three best friends in high school are Lali, Maggie and Mouse, and her nemesis is a girl who goes by the inconceivable name of Donna LaDonna. Reportedly, their characters are aligned in some ways with the people in Carrie’s life in later years. The book ends with Carrie going off to make her fortune in Manhattan, after her cousin gives her the phone number of her friend, Samantha Jones. Never mind that in Season Four we learn that Carrie had not yet met Samantha when Carrie was twenty-two.

I sincerely hope no teen movies are developed from the books, as ten minutes of flicking in the book store revealed little wit to be had from the text. This tale of teen angst is already inspiring more than enough angst for me.

Michaelie Clark
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Never has such a film been made. I am astonished that Michael Patrick King has managed to achieve something as extraordinary as this, which has undermined all of my expectations. I was anticipating a film of complete mediocrity, but that is not what I witnessed in the cinema on the weekend.

Sex and the City 2
And then they sang 'I Am Woman'... a definite low point. Image courtesy of chichestercinema.org

With a mere $95 million, MPK has managed to create an abject travesty and deliver it to thousands of packed theatres worldwide. An extra $30 million was spent on the sequel than on the first film and it seems this has been invested in an agenda to promote a sense of Western arrogance and cultural bigotry, to set feminism back thirty years, and to cast Liza Minnelli in a role that had me cringing with horror. The remaining dollars appear to have gone to the other causes that are now close to his heart, which include a hackneyed and senseless plot, and poor acting.

The audience laughed and sighed and cried, and I must admit I pretty much did the same. The simplified representation of Muslim women almost had me in tears, as did the depiction of women in the workforce, while I could only groan at the genuine absurdity of the storyline and laugh at the blatant unoriginality and contrived sentiment of the dialogue.

So did I actually enjoy any part of it? I did indeed: the booze and my chilli dog.

Michaelie Clark
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Unable to face seeing Sex and the City 2 without support, I made the decision some time ago that I would need to see it in Gold Class with a gaggle of gal pals. Why spend $30 on tickets to a film I know I shall hate instead of seeing it on a Tuesday night at a traditional cinema for $11 I hear you ask? The answer is simple: I will need a constant supply of alcohol.

Wine Waiter
Image courtesy of asset-cache.net

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It appears Tim Burton may be taking up his magic wand once more to direct a remake of another children’s classic – Sleeping Beauty. Entitled Maleficent, the remake will purportedly focus on the evil fairy’s turbulent past, which led her to curse a certain princess to a century of snoozing.

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent

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Kim Cattrall has been hinting about a third film in the Sex and the City franchise, and Lord, but it’s a scary thought. “We’ll call time when there are no stories left to tell and that’s really the writer Michael Patrick King’s call,” said Cattrall, prompting fears that, if left to MPK, the saga will go on forever.

Kim Cattrall Sex and the City 3
Image courtesy of backseatcuddler.com

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Having now watched the second Sex and the City 2 trailer several times, I found (after I finished sobbing in despair and gagging over the dialogue) that I am still unable to reconcile myself to the return of Aidan Shaw. Now, don’t get me wrong, Aidan was one of my beloveds, but do I (or does Carrie, I suppose) really need to go through all that – again?

sex and the city 2 trailer
Image courtesy of mtvnimages.com

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The latest Sex and the City 2 poster is out and it couldn’t be more ludicrous. It seems promoters have given up any pretence of the flick having any real merit and now are openly pushing it to audiences a lime twist short of a Cosmopolitan:

sex and the city 2 poster
Image courtesy of eonline.com

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Mesmerising Movie Men

March 25th 2010 09:25
Well, we’ve had a look-see at the enchanting ladies, now for some fascinating fellows! Those with an intensity and magnetism that radiates off the screen and shimmers through your innards. Those who put the rhythm in your sound stripe or make your plot thicken… Ahem.

Marlon Brando
Marlon Brando - Image courtesy of cache.eb.com

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The story-line desert, that is. Seemingly, water-holes of wit became scarcer and scarcer for Michael Patrick King as he navigated the last couple of seasons of the show, Sex and the City: The Movie, and now this, a sensationally ridiculous attempt to wring billions from his audience while throwing sand in their eyes to blind them to the fact that he has lost the plot – literally.

Sex and the City 2

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