Fifty Film Frustrations
October 19th 2007 19:02
I was so inspired by ChrisB’s list of pet peeves that I am now doing one of my own based on movies. There’s nothing I love more than whinging in point form. It is good for the spleen, I gather. So join me for some detox, Michaelie style.
#1 Sappy happy endings.
#2 Unrealistically motivated characters.
#3 Obvious factual errors.
#4 Continuity slips.
#5 Poor comic timing.
#6 Bad remakes.
#7 Ridiculous sequels.
#8 Impossible prequels.
#9 Gratuitous easy-pleasing pop-culture references.
#10 Music much louder than the dialogue.
#11 Days of Our Lives lighting.
#12 Characters waking up made-up.
#13 Trite ‘romantic’ lines.
#14 Noticeable patchwork after scenes are cut.
#15 Blatant red herrings
#16 Twists you see coming from a mile away.
#17 Poor book adaptations.
#18 Token ‘ethnic’ characters with no real role.
#19 Protagonists that fit gendered ideals exactly.
#20 The use of Paris Hilton to garner publicity.
#21 Earnest monologues by stars in DVD extras about nothing.
#22 Unwarranted conversation songs in musicals.
#23 Using dialogue to unrealistically apprise audience of narrative gist.
#24 Suspense music that is overdone and hackneyed.
#25 Bad slapstick.
#26 Perfect resolution of everything in expected manner.
#27 Showcase houses.
#28 Sudden, improbable epiphanies.
#29 Pretty crying, often without tears
#30 Product placement.
#31 Pitiful casting.
#32 Unrealistic ‘family chaos’ scenes.
#33 Formulaic sequencing.
#34 Boring cinematography.
#35 Lacklustre or inappropriate costuming.
#36 Perfectly coiffed hair – all the time.
#37 Girl running into a dark forest to escape the killer, who promptly hunts her down.
#38 Killer explaining motives and elaborate plans to victim, who then escapes.
#39 Six hundred flying bullets that don’t hit the mark.
#40 Bomb on a clock, and one wire needs to be cut…
#41 Villain who was assumed dead has another go.
#42 Six month old newborns, devoid of blood and mucous.
#43 Car won’t start, gun is out of bullets – oh the suspense!
#44 Noticeable make-up on men.
#45 Hero gets bashed/shot senseless and still saves the day.
#46 Car chase leaves a trail of destruction with cars flipping and bursting into flames
#47 Woman investigates strange noises in the dark, and in her lingerie.
#48 Everyone sits down to dinner happily enough, but no-one actually eats.
#49 National propaganda on film.
#50 Exaggerated tone/facial expressions.
Well? Time to cleanse…
Michaelie Clark
#1 Sappy happy endings.
#2 Unrealistically motivated characters.
#3 Obvious factual errors.
#4 Continuity slips.
#5 Poor comic timing.
#6 Bad remakes.
#7 Ridiculous sequels.
#8 Impossible prequels.
#9 Gratuitous easy-pleasing pop-culture references.
Yes, I'm fed up with you too. Anne Hathaway - a serious perpetrator. Image courtesy of tshirtwatch.com
#11 Days of Our Lives lighting.
#12 Characters waking up made-up.
#13 Trite ‘romantic’ lines.
#14 Noticeable patchwork after scenes are cut.
#15 Blatant red herrings
#16 Twists you see coming from a mile away.
#17 Poor book adaptations.
#18 Token ‘ethnic’ characters with no real role.
#19 Protagonists that fit gendered ideals exactly.
#20 The use of Paris Hilton to garner publicity.
#21 Earnest monologues by stars in DVD extras about nothing.
#22 Unwarranted conversation songs in musicals.
#23 Using dialogue to unrealistically apprise audience of narrative gist.
#25 Bad slapstick.
#26 Perfect resolution of everything in expected manner.
#27 Showcase houses.
#28 Sudden, improbable epiphanies.
#29 Pretty crying, often without tears
#30 Product placement.
#31 Pitiful casting.
#32 Unrealistic ‘family chaos’ scenes.
#33 Formulaic sequencing.
#34 Boring cinematography.
#35 Lacklustre or inappropriate costuming.
#36 Perfectly coiffed hair – all the time.
#37 Girl running into a dark forest to escape the killer, who promptly hunts her down.
#38 Killer explaining motives and elaborate plans to victim, who then escapes.
#39 Six hundred flying bullets that don’t hit the mark.
#40 Bomb on a clock, and one wire needs to be cut…
Paris on film - ALWAYS a no-no. Image courtesy of glitzblog.com
#41 Villain who was assumed dead has another go.
#42 Six month old newborns, devoid of blood and mucous.
#43 Car won’t start, gun is out of bullets – oh the suspense!
#44 Noticeable make-up on men.
#45 Hero gets bashed/shot senseless and still saves the day.
#46 Car chase leaves a trail of destruction with cars flipping and bursting into flames
#47 Woman investigates strange noises in the dark, and in her lingerie.
#48 Everyone sits down to dinner happily enough, but no-one actually eats.
#49 National propaganda on film.
#50 Exaggerated tone/facial expressions.
Well? Time to cleanse…
Michaelie Clark
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Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
How gentlemanly.
Enjoy your weekend.
MNG
Comment by Nina
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I agree with so many on your list, but I'll just name the main evil contenders:
Ridiculous sequels.
Impossible prequels.
Sappy happy endings (I blame Hollywood)
Poor book adaptations (unfortunately there are millions of these
Unwarranted conversation songs in musicals (Dreamgirls comes to mind)
Suspense music that is overdone and hackneyed.
Sudden, improbable epiphanies (I hate those, who wants to hear it?)
Perfectly coiffed hair – all the time (so unrealistic as well as annoying)
and my last one.....
Suspense music that is overdone and hackneyed - urghhhh!!!!!!!
Aaah, it was good to get all that out.
Tracy
Comment by Jickle
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Good (bad) one! How unrealistic. If I were a martial arts ninja man with all my fellow ninjas at my side, I would be giving the order to pounce as one!
Don't they know if they go one at a time, the good guy will anihilate them all?
Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Yes, I know. Even I could do better than that (I reckon)! Mind you, Die Hard wouldn't have been much if John Maclane was wiped out in the first barrage of bullets! Just as well he's invincible, lol.
Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Doesn't it do good to keep your spleen happy! Thank you for venting with me. I feel much better now too!
Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Yes, they could at least attempt to play out the foregone conclusion!
Thanks muchly for visiting!
Michaelie
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Brilliant! All of them!
May I add -
- perfectly coiffed hair & visage all the time...especially upon waking!!!
- the number of pillows used in bed and the angle they're at. Who does that?? no one sleeps on the edges of the pillow(s).
- why is that when a woman is fighting ninja henchmen, she can kick all their asses but if she's fighting another woman or the villain boss, she gets hurt?
- when an 'extra' gets a line...you know he's going to die.
- why are the women always taken hostage?? And if they do manage to subdue their kidnapper, why the hell didn't they do that before they were abducted??? Why wait 'til the protaganist has come to save the day?
- why doesn't the villain just shoot/kill the hero/ine when face to face? why is there always an elaborate set up designed to inflict maximum pain...on the viewer!!
- why don't they ever cut the wire 1 minute before the bomb was due to explode, instead of 1 second??
- in the movies there's always a car park space right outside of the building the protaganists are going to.
- the use of Julia Robert's laugh.
I'm done for now!
Good one Michaelie. Hope you're having a great weekend.
Dusk
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
YES! Why is that? Cos they need to kill SOMEBODY and the villain can't die until the very end?
And are there ANY movies where the man is a helpless hostage and doesn't do much, and the woman has to save the day? You know what Hollywood is saying about films with female protagonists at the moment - not viable! Hmmm.
Thanks so much for your comment, my lovely lady!
Michaelie
PS. Maybe all heroes have handicapped stickers? Lol.
Comment by Damo
Haven't you seen the incredibles?
Getting the villian to monologue is your only hope of escape.
#47 Woman investigates strange noises in the dark, and in her lingerie.
I would be upset if it didn't happen.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I see! Men such as yourself are the consumer driving force behind films with terrible storylines and blatant objectification of the female form...?
No, hold on, that's a whole other genre.
Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
That would be #23? I hate it too, but I have to say I hate it more in books, when an author has the characters 'explain' the story in conversation with each other, when no-one would actually say such things. Why wouldn't they just get it across in the narrative? Or in the case of movies, the action, as you say.
It's awful to be assumed a fool. Definitely destroys a cinematic experience.
Thanks for the comment!
Michaelie
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
What a great list, have to agree on all of them ... especially No
Great post.
Lilla ...
Comment by Mountain Fog
I always wonder why it is the black man, particularly if he has a small support role, is always doomed to die by the "third reel", as they used to say?
Well that is, unless the black man is the main protagonist, then usually he is either an object of fun, or is the very very bad man!
The make up and hair thing, yeah it is stupid particularly when they have just woken up from a deep sleep and their rosey red lips are perfectly painted and their eyelash extensions and mascara is unblemished, EXCEPT when its Doris Day, who is perfect and will always remain so in every way...loved Doris..
And fight scenes, particularly when someone cops such a hit it sends them reeling backwards through the air, smashing into furniture, which should have either rendered them unconscious or in dire need of a neurosurgeon, and yet they get up as if just out of a refreshing shower after a good sleep and fight like a maniac again...
Oh, and lastly and MOST annoyingly, the complete LACK of blood in most films, even after someone has been blown up, shot and stabbed...I have a theory about this, which I will post about, I've thought about this for a long, long time, as I think it impacts on society in a very negative way...oops!..not supposed to get serious sorry...and yes, carparking...and paying for something, no matter how poor, they always throw heaps of dollars on the table, or to the cab man, and don't expect change!
cheers
fog
Comment by Damo
Guilty as charged.
Do you think that will ever be a cure for me?
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Yes, slapstick can be very funny if it's good! But when it's bad... it's embarrassing to watch. Like Russell Crowe's mild attempts in The Good Year. I was cringing with embarrassment for him and I don't even like him! All that falling over repeatedly in the empty pool, donging himself on the head... at least they didn't do big soundeffects.
Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Am very intrigued by your lack of blood theory and how it affects society. Do you think maybe the film industry is responsible for anaemia?
I personally think there are a few comedies around at the moment that are 'beyond the pale' - maybe a transfusion would help? And cascades of blood might have made Dreamgirls a bit more interesting...
Thanks for your comments - great to see you!
Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I could suggest one, but I don't think you'd like it.
Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I graciously forgive you.
Michaelie
Comment by Mountain Fog
tee hee! Yes, a blob of blood is what is needed!
Actually, my theory is about a 'social equation' if you like, that is, bloodless violent films subtly 'train' young minds to accept violence and vigilantism as a proper response, hence the support for the Iraq war went with little or no protest, UNTIL, images started seeping out showing the bloodshed. So, I say, if all films showed violence as it ACTUALLY is, instead of the sanitised versions that pour out of Hollywood, society would be all the more healthier for it.
(Damn...just blew my wad so to speak...my post....oh well...maybe I can reconfigure it, then again, it will get more exposure here than on my own site!! hehe!!)
cheers and here's to the cinematic blood bank pouring open its doors!!!!
fog
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I think you should just put ALL your ideas on my blog, give it the Fog feel. Of course, contrary to what you think, the main people you will be 'exposing' yourself to are actually my family members... They drive my traffic, don't you know.
Well, if you do manage to reconfigure, I for one will be over there perusing!
Michaelie
Comment by Krystal
feelings
You're such a hard worker, when I get home I just want to relax.
I was worried when fog mentioned a support actor with a small.... I thought , oh dear, then I read on for at least two more words and felt greatly relieved.
How is it that so many around here suffer from that dreadful, untreatable condition, known as verbal....d...........
The not always so sweet Crystal.
Love the post darling, mmmow, must learn how to spell that.
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Red is a very stimulating colour, indeed. But never mind Paris' assets - if you want to inspire a man to love you for your mind, there's no sense looking to her!
I'm sure there are such men. Somewhere.
This 'condition' you mention - let's call it VD for short - the only manifestation of it which I despise (from my experience!) is a propensity for ignorant, uninteresting, or lacklustre drivel. I can take the expletives and innuendoes just fine if they are dealt with wit or for potent effect. But it's not everyone's shot of cider, I understand.
And I know you can't always be sweet as sugar, Crystal - but then it makes life interesting when you're a little tart!
Many thanks for the comment - I know you've been very busy.
Michaelie
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Though I have to confess to being guilty of enjoying gratuitous pop culture references
Wish i had more time so I could offer a few contributions but I'm off to work.
have a great day Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Great to see you and thank you.
I can take the gratuitous pop-culture references sometimes, ie with QT, because they are not so wearing. Disney Pixar do it far too much.
You have a fabulous day. Lol. And come back if you think of some to add!
Michaelie
Comment by Mountain Fog
When an intelligent mind becomes overly compacted with ideas, mentally constipated if you like, it may result in “verbal diarrhoea”, yes Krystal, that is how you spell the word!
However, no one around here suffers from “VD”, because we type our sentences….not speak them Krystal!
The phrase “verbal diarrhoea” is usually associated with mindless, boring, vacuous drivel that, even upon hinting for respite, the interlocutor guilty of this “dis-ease”, continues unabated. A more apt term for the Orble phenomena you complain about would be “verbiage.”
Krystal, I recommend a little more tolerance on your part, for some people’s verbosity derives out of nerves and more sadly, for others, loneliness is the reason.
But I take your point Krystal, I will not comment on your blog again.
Wit wasted is wit-less!
cheers Michaelie…love your work!!
fog
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Your words are never wasted on me.
Michaelie
Comment by Mountain Fog
thanks...sigh...feel wanted again...temporarily..
As for Crystal (the miss-spelling wasn't on purpose, I knew a Krystal...doh!), update;
well, she has either cleverly retaliated with a nice response to the comment I made previously to this one on her own blog, which would be quite admirable and amusing, or she hasn't seen my vitriolic sputum on your page...so steady as she goes captain...a squall may be brewing...
All water off a duck's back in the end, however, I forgot my golden rule, reply with some obvious tongue in cheek, I'm just getting a ltttle cantankerous in my old age I guess!
Anyhoo, must dash...to do...umm...I'll think of something...
cheers
fog
Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
is it REALLY that hard to read more than ten dot points? (that arent about marriage!)
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I think I must just like to find the flaws in everything. Lol. Mind you, there are quite a few movies that are hopelessly flawed, which I still adore anyway. I just like to know what I'm dealing with!
No it's not, but it's obviously easier to look at the pretty pictures and not read at all! No wonder some people get the wrong end of the stick regarding what a post is actually about...
Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk