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The Carrie Diaries: Oh No!

June 30th 2010 03:13
This might seem a bit strange, but I’m going to give my thoughts on a movie that hasn’t been planned, that is based on a book I haven’t read. I was browsing a book store the other day and saw Candace Bushnell’s The Carrie Diaries, incongruously located on the edge of the literature section. I flicked through it.

The Carrie Diaries
Carrie arrives in the Big Smoke. Image courtesy of metro.co.uk


It is the first in a series of prequels Bushnell plans to release, and is aimed at a teen audience. According to the LA Times, it chronicles Carrie Bradshaw’s trials as she finishes high school in Connecticut.

From what I can gather, just like the recent film, it deviates a lot from the background we are given in the series, leading to large flaws in continuity.

The Father: In Season Five of the series, we discover that Carrie’s father left Carrie and her mother when Carrie was three years old. In The Carrie Diaries, it seems she has three younger sisters and “a tender-hearted scientist father” who raises the family after her mother’s untimely death.


The Boys: In Season Three, Carrie tells Charlotte she lost her virginity in the eleventh grade to Seth Bateman (on the ping-pong table), yet the prequel apparently describes Carrie as an unpopular virgin in her final year of high school, who develops an ill-fated relationship with a boy named Sebastian Kyd.

The Girls: Carrie’s three best friends in high school are Lali, Maggie and Mouse, and her nemesis is a girl who goes by the inconceivable name of Donna LaDonna. Reportedly, their characters are aligned in some ways with the people in Carrie’s life in later years. The book ends with Carrie going off to make her fortune in Manhattan, after her cousin gives her the phone number of her friend, Samantha Jones. Never mind that in Season Four we learn that Carrie had not yet met Samantha when Carrie was twenty-two.

I sincerely hope no teen movies are developed from the books, as ten minutes of flicking in the book store revealed little wit to be had from the text. This tale of teen angst is already inspiring more than enough angst for me.

Michaelie Clark
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Never has such a film been made. I am astonished that Michael Patrick King has managed to achieve something as extraordinary as this, which has undermined all of my expectations. I was anticipating a film of complete mediocrity, but that is not what I witnessed in the cinema on the weekend.

Sex and the City 2
And then they sang 'I Am Woman'... a definite low point. Image courtesy of chichestercinema.org

With a mere $95 million, MPK has managed to create an abject travesty and deliver it to thousands of packed theatres worldwide. An extra $30 million was spent on the sequel than on the first film and it seems this has been invested in an agenda to promote a sense of Western arrogance and cultural bigotry, to set feminism back thirty years, and to cast Liza Minnelli in a role that had me cringing with horror. The remaining dollars appear to have gone to the other causes that are now close to his heart, which include a hackneyed and senseless plot, and poor acting.

The audience laughed and sighed and cried, and I must admit I pretty much did the same. The simplified representation of Muslim women almost had me in tears, as did the depiction of women in the workforce, while I could only groan at the genuine absurdity of the storyline and laugh at the blatant unoriginality and contrived sentiment of the dialogue.

So did I actually enjoy any part of it? I did indeed: the booze and my chilli dog.

Michaelie Clark
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Unable to face seeing Sex and the City 2 without support, I made the decision some time ago that I would need to see it in Gold Class with a gaggle of gal pals. Why spend $30 on tickets to a film I know I shall hate instead of seeing it on a Tuesday night at a traditional cinema for $11 I hear you ask? The answer is simple: I will need a constant supply of alcohol.

Wine Waiter
Image courtesy of asset-cache.net

Pushing a little buzzer and having a waiter magicked to my side with Sauvignon Blanc at the ready is precisely what I want every time the sacrilegious travesty becomes too much and I start hyperventilating in my recliner.

So, why see it at all? Why add to the overflowing coffers of unethical movie makers, stained with the blood and tears of true fans? Because I am weak, I admit it freely. I cannot bear not to see it. I am the masochist to Michael Patrick King’s sadism.

Cinema with pain relief: Five Stars

Michaelie Clark
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Kim Cattrall has been hinting about a third film in the Sex and the City franchise, and Lord, but it’s a scary thought. “We’ll call time when there are no stories left to tell and that’s really the writer Michael Patrick King’s call,” said Cattrall, prompting fears that, if left to MPK, the saga will go on forever.

Kim Cattrall Sex and the City 3
Image courtesy of backseatcuddler.com

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Having now watched the second Sex and the City 2 trailer several times, I found (after I finished sobbing in despair and gagging over the dialogue) that I am still unable to reconcile myself to the return of Aidan Shaw. Now, don’t get me wrong, Aidan was one of my beloveds, but do I (or does Carrie, I suppose) really need to go through all that – again?

sex and the city 2 trailer
Image courtesy of mtvnimages.com

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The latest Sex and the City 2 poster is out and it couldn’t be more ludicrous. It seems promoters have given up any pretence of the flick having any real merit and now are openly pushing it to audiences a lime twist short of a Cosmopolitan:

sex and the city 2 poster
Image courtesy of eonline.com

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The story-line desert, that is. Seemingly, water-holes of wit became scarcer and scarcer for Michael Patrick King as he navigated the last couple of seasons of the show, Sex and the City: The Movie, and now this, a sensationally ridiculous attempt to wring billions from his audience while throwing sand in their eyes to blind them to the fact that he has lost the plot – literally.

Sex and the City 2

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Blahnik Not Soled on SATC 2

December 11th 2009 00:32
Even Manolo Blahnik, the humble cobbler made famous by Sex and the City has spoken out about his aversion to what has now become the SATC franchise. ‘If people talk to me about Sex and the City I get sick’, the shoe designer said.

Sex and the City 2 poster
'Sex and the City 2' poster - Image courtesy of roughcutreviews.com

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Not satisfied with attempting to sabotage my SATC ideals the first time around, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristen Davis, Cynthia Nixon and Kim Cattrall have banded together again to ensure I can’t pretend their last farcical flick was just one hellacious nightmare.

Sex and the City Sequel
Image courtesy of picapp.com

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Sex and the City sources are putting the word out: the sequel is afloat, but someone is going to be tossed overboard. Those in the know predict that one of the Sexettes will be killed off in the follow-up to this year’s blockbuster, in order to keep the story ball a-rolling.

Sex and the City
The Sexettes - Image courtesy of newsday.com

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122
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I bought Sex and the City: The Movie – Extended Cut on the day of its Australian release with the faint wan hope that my initial cinema-based impression was off the mark. If anything, I have come closer to detesting the flick with each subsequent viewing.

Sex and the City DVD
SATC The Movie DVD - Image courtesy of barnesandnoble.com

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The DVD of Sex and the City: The Movie – Extended Cut will hit Australia on October 16th, after its launch in New York earlier this week.

Prior to the event, leading lady and executive producer, Sarah Jessica Parker, spoke out about the enormous financial success the film has had, and the likelihood of a sequel. “It's all about the story. If we can't tell a story that's really worthy of an audience, then we won't do it,” she said


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In the rocking wake of the Sex and the City movie, it seems Kim Cattrall has been devising a strategy for how the projected sequel can work to her best advantage, pitching a concept to producers in which Cattrall’s character of Samantha steps into the principal role.

Kim Cattrall
Kim Cattrall - Image courtesy of snarkerati.com

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'Sex' No One Night Stand

July 13th 2008 17:33
HBO has unofficially confirmed that Sex and the City: The Movie will not be a mere fling. Instead, it will devolve into a sordid affair that will no doubt drag on long after the love has died, propelled by foolishly fickle flickers of lust and the hunt for another mind-blowing explosion of ka-ching.

Sarah Jessica Parker
Executive producer Sarah Jessica Parker - Image courtesy of foxnews.com

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Moderated by Michaelie
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