Only In The Movies!
December 10th 2007 19:25
I mean it. Not at work, not at the shops, not even in the privacy of your own bedroom. I’m talking about a particular breed of movie stunts, boys and girls, which you should never try at home. They are horrifying. They are terrifying. They can be downright dangerous. They are the hairstyles of film.
That’s right, the Hollywood hair-dos that are civilian hair-don’ts. The frenzied follicles, the stressed tresses, the shocking locks that should only be seen on screen, and sometimes not even there. Have a look-see at these twenty mad, mangy or moronic manes:
Robert de Niro in Taxi Driver
A fuzzy Mohawk – quite perfect for such a brilliantly unhinged character.
Nicolas Cage in Con Air
His hillbilly drawl is nothing compared to his long, manky hair. Yes, he had to “save the f***ing day” but could he not have taken time out for a quick snip?
Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Edward Scissorhands I know I’m not the only one who still thinks he’s hot, plastic bob or no plastic bob.
Jodie Foster in Freaky Friday
The first time I saw this I was sure she was a shaggy-haired boy.
Colin Farrell in Miami Vice
Too long and greasy. Not cool, Colin.
Frances McDormand in Friends With Money
Look, she just didn’t want to wash her hair alright?!
Ben Stiller in Dodgeball
Pumped up hair and a pumped up codpiece.
Carrie Fisher in Star Wars
Saving money on earmuffs never looked so odd.
David Spade in The Benchwarmers
A small, ugly girl.
Sylvester Stallone in Rambo
Barbarian hair.
Diane Keaton in The First Wives Club
Thin, grey and boring. Her hair, that is.
Matt Damon in Stuck on You
Someone gave him a bowl cut. With a misshapen bowl.
Bill Murray in Kingpin
Ew.
Hillary Swank in The Gift
Big haired, bony trailer-trash.
Jon Heder in everything - Blades of Glory, Napoleon Dynamite, The Benchwarmers
Red fuzz or a blonde helmet?
Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code
Balding lankness.
Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich and There’s Something About Mary
From frizzy mop to slick with…
Michael Caine in Children of Men
He though he was Dumbledore.
Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies
She looked like a man. Until she took her clothes off.
Will Ferrell in Zoolander
Crazy in every way.
If you have hair, use it wisely. It's all fun and games until Chris Tucker's fuzzy blonde horn takes out an eye.
Michaelie Clark
That’s right, the Hollywood hair-dos that are civilian hair-don’ts. The frenzied follicles, the stressed tresses, the shocking locks that should only be seen on screen, and sometimes not even there. Have a look-see at these twenty mad, mangy or moronic manes:
Robert de Niro in Taxi Driver
"You talkin' to me?
Nicolas Cage in Con Air
His hillbilly drawl is nothing compared to his long, manky hair. Yes, he had to “save the f***ing day” but could he not have taken time out for a quick snip?
Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Edward Scissorhands I know I’m not the only one who still thinks he’s hot, plastic bob or no plastic bob.
Those scissorhands were not so effective on his own hair - Image courtesy of costumezee.com
The first time I saw this I was sure she was a shaggy-haired boy.
Jodie Foster as a small boy - Image courtesy of morethings.com
Colin Farrell in Miami Vice
Too long and greasy. Not cool, Colin.
Frances McDormand in Friends With Money
Look, she just didn’t want to wash her hair alright?!
Ben Stiller in Dodgeball
Pumped up hair and a pumped up codpiece.
Ben Stiller in Dodgeball - Image courtesy of bbc.co.uk
Carrie Fisher in Star Wars
Saving money on earmuffs never looked so odd.
David Spade in The Benchwarmers
A small, ugly girl.
Sylvester Stallone in Rambo
Barbarian hair.
Sly and savage - Image courtesy of riflegear.com
Diane Keaton in The First Wives Club
Thin, grey and boring. Her hair, that is.
Matt Damon in Stuck on You
Someone gave him a bowl cut. With a misshapen bowl.
Bill Murray in Kingpin
Ew.
Bill Murray in Kingpin - Image courtesy of planetpat.com
Hillary Swank in The Gift
Big haired, bony trailer-trash.
Jon Heder in everything - Blades of Glory, Napoleon Dynamite, The Benchwarmers
Red fuzz or a blonde helmet?
The unfortunate looking Napoleon Dynamite - Image courtesy of mtv.com
Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code
Balding lankness.
Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich and There’s Something About Mary
From frizzy mop to slick with…
Diaz looking a bit less glam - Image courtesy of buzzsugar.com
Michael Caine in Children of Men
He though he was Dumbledore.
Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies
She looked like a man. Until she took her clothes off.
Jamie Lee Curtis - Image courtesy of tripod.com
Will Ferrell in Zoolander
Crazy in every way.
If you have hair, use it wisely. It's all fun and games until Chris Tucker's fuzzy blonde horn takes out an eye.
Michaelie Clark
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Comment by Holly Go Lightly
Movie Mage
Actually I have rather nice hair, but for a movie role I'd be happy to change it.
You made me laugh when you mentioned 'having hair' I actually like bald men, they are not all old and they are often FUN.
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Lol. Would you shave it all off like Natalie Portman? Then you would be the fun baldie!
Michaelie
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
How do you come up with these ideas?! Thanks for making me snort with laughter, what a brilliant post.
I love Johnny Depp no matter what his hair is doing, in fact if he needed some help with it, I would be happy to volunteer....
That pic of Cameron Diaz is hilarious, bet she's embarassed about that one. And what is Robert De Biro doing with his finger? That's a scary one,
Byeee
Comment by JoH
As for Johnny Depp, well, one barely notices his hair do they? When one has so many other features to google at *sigh*!
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Lol. I don't know. I was just thinking about how I love Johnny Depp even when he looks freaky... and kind of went from there. You know how it is.
Yep, Cameron's no blonde haired, blue eyed girl next door in that pic! Bloody ugly, in fact. Lol.
I love Robert de Niro in Taxi Driver, but he sure is nuts!
Thank you kindly!
Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Nope, I think you've about pegged him. Of course, he's very funny, but I can hardly look at him in Kingpin without making my way through a variety of intense feelings ranging from repugnance to hysterical mirth... Lol.
I think we ladies agree - Johnny Depp is a god. There is nothing that detracts from his divine state. All hail Johnny!
Michaelie
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
The one on Diaz is FUNNY!! That's surely a pix for black-mail...
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Think I should try to extort money from her? Lol. Can't believe she managed to look that hideous!
And do you know, I didn't even care that much about Johnny's fake teeth. I'd still ravish him in his Wonka get-up! Lol.
Michaelie
Comment by Aimzster
Health and Beauty
Reality TV
The Jeepney Stop
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Great post girl. Had me snorting with laughter for a moment there - had forgotten about some of those outrageous 'do's'.
Mr Spock had a interesting look about him in the Star Trek Series while there really wasn't too much you could do with Chewbacca's locks was there.
Mr T had a great do in Rocky III while Yahoo Serious looked great in Young Einstein.
Dr Emmett Brown from Back to the Future had a nice cut and blow wave going on the sides while Uma Thurman look cool with the whole slick thing in Pulp Fiction too.
Audrey Hepburn also needs to be added to the list with some nice beehives (ala Marge Simpson)
Love your work.
MNG
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Ick. I hope not. It needs to remain where it is. Let's just hope they aren't going on killing sprees too!
BTW, was just over at your new post - I think a few of the above could've benefited from your words!
Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Haha thank you.
Chewbacca - in a league of his own isn't he! Some crazy stuff going on there.
Movies or no movies - Mr T qualifies, and Yahoo Serious... seriously bad!
I loved Uma's 'do, some real sass happening with that style!
Marge herself should have been in here - she has a movie now!
Thanks as always MNG,
Michaelie
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Great to see you!
Michaelie
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
His hair is nothing though - three minutes in the elements and mine looks like that too! Lol.
Michaelie
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
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Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
My Dad is bald as an egg... or more like a kiwifruit... and it suits him, lucky beast that he is.
Michaelie
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
hahaha! I could quite easily have some of these hairstyles all in the same day.... each strand decides to have a life of its own on a regular basis.
Johnny would look good bald gggrrrrrrr
Ash
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I hear that! I am very familiar with follicle rebellion. One day there will be all out war, and only one of us will survive - my hair or me. There have been a few close calls - I have savaged my hair in a fit of fury with a round brush, and ended up having to cut it out of a self-made snarl... my hair has threatened to suffocate me in an unruly Cousin It-esque mass, unless I lower my can of hairspray and put my hands up...
Then other times we can get along quite well. Such a turbulent relationship! Lol.
Johnny - he has no problems, whether his hair is here, there, everywhere or - nowhere.
Thanks Ash
Michaelie
Comment by Krystal
feelings
Even Marathon man has his day.
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Michaelie
Comment by Vixter
People
Diet Food Lifestyle
CHEATERS
1 For The Road
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Thanks!
Michaelie